Me and my ego: THAT relationship

Wild Carrot on the prairie in the clouds [copyright JeanMaher 2025]

I went for a walk today, and on the way home, it came to me to ask, why am I so hypervigilant toward relationships with everyone and everything? What am I afraid of? What am I protecting?

What showed up as I pondered “hypervigilant” was this - I never share much about what I think - those innermost thoughts. Too risky to share. I avoid it. I avoid even thinking about what I'm doing and direct my energy to keeping this protection in place.

But this time I'm not avoiding, my thoughts keep coming out in droves, like the clouds above the wild carrot I saw yesterday.

This time, thoughts came from a new direction: how can I become more open? Less protective? I can only change what I practice, and now I see that I am most hypervigilant and protective of my Self! It's not about anything or anyone else. It starts with me. Missed that part before --- that ego of mine.

Said better: my ego is hypervigilant and protective of itself.

How interesting. My first inclination is, "no… you can’t..." Hmm.

Said better: My ego’s first inclination is to protect itself from anything seen as a threat.

The questions keep coming: Why does my ego see everything as a threat? Will it always see everything as a threat to self-preservation? Can a person work with their ego to get it to relax and trust that everything will be OK? Getting emotional now – tears near the surface. Is this tenderness?

Feels like I’m opening up something. Maybe.

What would it be like to really commit to opening up to everything? To being and honoring myself? To not necessarily being the last priority? What is the worst that could happen? And its corollary: isn't the best thing that could happen is that I am a better person all around by being myself?

I wondered what it would be like to drop the hypervigilant barrier. I don’t know because I’ve always kept that fence up. What if I decided to do something small just for me – go somewhere – like that coffee shop downtown. I decided I could try that this morning because I (not the ego!) want to.

I came home and got ready to go without interacting with anyone… No danger in that, my dear hypervigilant ego, right? OK let's, keep going. It's amazing - all the energy I use in keeping up the wall of my own making. What if I freed that energy up? No wall?

Today was a first practice: can I do this? Do I believe I need to be immediately available to make things better in any situation first? That was my first thought. Second thought: maybe I don’t do what I want right now and wait until later... Next thought: don’t judge my thoughts!

Welcome to the new me of practicing seeing my ego's hypervigilance and the roadblocks it throws up. Over and over again.

I have over 60 years of the old patterns/ruts in my head. Like the road that I drove to take for a hike today, I expected/anticipated it would/could be a mess of holes and ruts to dodge like before. But they had graded it. Cool. The anticipation and expectation of what I would find was a waste of energy, too. The lesson: don't overthink. What could I do with that energy I spent worrying if I didn't have my thoughts in the way? The old "stay in the moment" applies. In spades. I digress...

Back to the new plan: I decided to go to the coffee shop. I’m nervous about this but going anyway. My ego keeps a string of thoughts going to try and stop me from stepping out, but I pay attention to my behavior: does it help to ignore myself? Nope.

I felt a little guilty, but I followed through with what I wanted to do. A little step.

I parked in town… and because I was a little uncomfortable and didn’t think to trust myself in the moment, I didn’t see the Start button on the pay-for-parking station when I got out of the car (unbelievable in hindsight - eyeroll please). I tried tapping the screen. Nothing. I went back to the car. I even moved the car! Ok this is silly. I tried again – parked, grabbed my stuff and slowed down. I went to the pay station and I saw the button to Start. Viola! Paid for an hour of parking.

I went into the shop and ordered a black coffee. Table was ok but a little dirty. Didn’t see a rag to wipe it off. Had to ask. There were people around me and I didn’t want to appear foolish. Ignored that and asked for something to clean it up. That worked. Opened my laptop and let this blog unfold.  

Then a couple came in while I was writing this with their newborn baby. Struck up a little conversation. Fun and so good for me. I met some new people.

I can do this. See, ego – we can work together.

I went looking for Monarchs today...

Grasses in the morning dew copyright 2024 JeanMaher.com

I went looking for Monarchs today, but Nature had other ideas and gently reinforced that I'm not in charge.

Instead, I was treated to a delicate view of dew on grass in late summer -- how it appears in a bold font emphasizing the mature, late summer grass. A lovely crystalline view.

I was looking for Monarchs today. I stood up and just as I turned to go on, my eyes saw along the edge of the path and at just the right angle, a small spider's web. I'm amazed at the skill a spider has to create something that is so symmetrical, so immediate. In one night. Do you see it?

I looked closer. The artist was still in residence in the center of the web. It was a beautiful spider, not to be disturbed, but to be seen.

I was looking for Monarchs today. I smiled and shook my head as I took in the lesson: be grateful to see sun on sparkling grass and the creatures that live here. Be open to what is offered today. Drop expectations. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. This spider is here now.

That is all I need to know.

The Story: Thoreau

"Not that the story need be long, but it will take a long while to make it short."

Henry David Thoreau

to a friend on story length, 1857

I really like this quote. It's timeless and applies equally well to crafting the story to be told in a PowerPoint™ presentation.

Recall a presentation that you may have experienced, in which the presenter had:

• A 30-40 page slide deck to share, and didn't allow enough time to cover the material

• Many bullet points, in a small font that you couldn't read, no white space, no images (and so you read ahead and tuned out)

Thoreau had it right - crafting a story takes time, and that applies to a presentation, too. I've worked with many presenters to create a concise and on-point presentation that engages their audience.

Whether the goal is to share a vision, impart knowledge, or present the status of a project to key stakeholders, you need to nail the key message and focus. Often the first draft you create contains much more content than you can possibly share on your topic during your allotted time. The right answer is not to keep all the content and just speak faster, it's determining what stays and what goes. It respects your audience. It gives you the focus you need to nail your presentation.

If you find yourself in this situation, here are 3 questions to ask yourself to help you focus on what to include in your presentation:

1. Where is your audience now? Where would you like them to be after your presentation? What do you want them to know, believe, or do?

2. What is your key message in 25 words or less?

Distill what you need to impart to the amount of time you'd ride in an elevator between floors (make that a high speed elevator -- so maybe 15 words?).

3. So what?

A great question (for not only presentations). Why should the audience care about what you have to say? If you can't state the answer to this question clearly, the audience will not be able to articulate it, either.

Once you have answered the three questions, go back to the slides or outline you've created. Only keep the content that supports these 3 questions. The next step (hint: keep it simple). Stay tuned for another post on this topic.