Feeling My Way
- Jean Maher
- May 1
- 3 min read
Updated: May 3
This morning, I headed to the prairie. It’s still early in the season for much activity, but spring has begun, and there is more happening now. I saw great blue herons alone and winging over the dried grasses, their raspy calls echoing in the air. I could hear songbirds and pheasants. And though I didn’t see them myself, there must be insects already, as a few swallows were swooping and diving in the distance and over my head, just over the grasses. They are amazing acrobats, twisting and turning with just a tilt of a wing or a bend of their body.
I scanned over the grasses, then again with my zoom lens and caught a distant flash of bright yellow – a goldfinch foraging for thistle seeds, wearing its bright yellow and black summer plumage. I learned several years ago that these hardy birds remain here all year long. I always thought they left in the fall and didn’t recognize them in their winter plumage, a dull color that blends into the seasonal landscape. I just thought it was a different bird.
I'm looking at doing things a bit differently now. I’d heard a podcast interview with a filmmaker and how his willingness to throw his work away freed him up to try things and grow. I’d also read a reminder about the importance of practice in photography, to kick the tires so to speak on the camera and see what it can do. I’ve been told I have a good grasp of the obvious here ("practice makes perfect"), but it occurred to me that I could practice letting go of my old way of going about things. Or maybe I felt that way to work differently? What is the worst that could happen (I see that my pattern of control and thinking is alive and well). I know it’s limiting, but… I still think that way. Ok. So what? Why not practice a different way?
I took photos of the prairie grasses and some emerging plants, experimenting with settings of my camera. I observed that I could focus better by adjusting the lens or change the exposure. Among the photos were two that I took of the landscape of grasses and seed heads. Or what I thought were seed heads - one appeared just a little darker than the ones around it. First attempt was a blurry capture, but I took another, practicing getting a tighter focus on that area. I thought nothing more about it.
I headed back to the car and took a quick scan in the viewfinder of the photos. I was drawn to the ones of the prairie grasses and seed heads. I zoomed in on the seed head that was a little darker. And found… it was a bluebird! My focus was a little more on the branches, but I like the soft look of this gentle and beautiful bird.
The lesson: When I allowed myself to just go with my feelings and allowed things to happen without planning for an outcome, it was good! I didn’t try and control and allowed. I learned something about looking a little more and trusting my gut. Control is an illusion, anyway.
I’m just grateful for the awareness.